


this year i will fall with no worries at all

by biggayhighway



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Baking, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, M/M, Mistletoe, Neighbours AU, and also i said so, ben lives in his own flat bc i said so, but yeah they fall in love bc its christmas, kind of, very little tiny incy bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27920680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/biggayhighway/pseuds/biggayhighway
Summary: Ben wonders what Callum’s doing for Christmas. He doesn’t know if Callum has any friends or relatives he’s planning on spending the day with, and he’s not quite sure how to ask.---a neighbours!au for the ballum advent calendar!
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 16
Kudos: 62





	this year i will fall with no worries at all

**Author's Note:**

> AH!!! its here and so it christmas and this is all very exciting
> 
> this was such a great idea and can we all pls give a big thank u to soph @dingletragedy for organizing this whole thing xoxoxox
> 
> please enjoy and have a wonderful wonderful christmas even in these circumstances
> 
> ps. thank u michael bublé for your christmas album i listened to it the whole time i was writing this  
> pps. sorry 4 any typos my fingers are too big for my keyboard
> 
> title from 'underneath the tree' by kelly clarkson

It’s one of Kathy’s old baking books that they end up working from, because she’s scribbled all over the pages- amending quantities of ingredients and baking times until she swears that it’s perfect. Ben still remembers the way Lexi had beamed when she’d pulled it down from the kitchen cupboard and Kathy had told her she could keep it. It has to be a good decade old, the spine has cracked and the pages are yellowing, but it’s well-loved, clearly.

Now it sits on the shelf in the kitchen of Ben’s apartment, a part of home that makes it look like he knows what he’s doing when it comes to decorating. It still feels strange to be living on his own, and even though he’s a stone’s throw away from the square, and Lexi spends half the week at his, it still gets lonely. Privacy is almost the only good thing about it. It’s just a pity he has no one to share that with.

He lets Lexi to help him put his tree up and decorate it because she’s always been ecstatic about Christmas. Ben knows this isn’t the first tree she’s thrown tinsel at this year, and he knows it won’t be the last. Everyone loves her smile as it comes to life in front of their eyes. How blissful childhood is when Christmas seems like the biggest thing in the world. If Ben hadn’t had Lexi, he’d probably be miserable all year round, Christmas season too. With her, he’s only miserable when he needs to be. 

She comes back to his after the last day of term, holding his hand on the entire walk back and rambling about all of the things she’s going to do now that she’s free for a couple of weeks. Some of her plans are a little far-fetched, talking about the North Pole like it’s on their doorstep, but some are a little more obtainable. If he could, Ben would give her the entire world, give her everything that he never had, all the love that Ben knows his father struggles to show. He doesn't care if she ends up utterly spoiled, as long as she knows that she’ll always be his number one priority.

She asks if they can make gingerbread, tugs on his hand like she always does when she wants something, and even though it's a Friday, and Ben is tired to his bones like he always gets when the days are shorter and colder and so much darker, he can’t say no to her, not now that he’s treasuring every moment he gets with her because she’s growing up so quickly, and he doesn’t see her every day anymore. He’s desperate to make memories that she can look back on and smile at, because she deserves that. She deserves to feel undoubtedly loved. Because she is. 

They make a mess. They always do. It’s not hard, Ben knows, to clean up after every step, to be a little more careful when spooning flour into a bowl, but it’s fun. It’s fun to throw pinches of flour at each other and it’s fun to get powdery hand-prints on his black jeans. 

The one thing Ben forgets is that Kathy has never really lived in a quiet household, especially not when she’d properly gotten into baking. Her amendments are perfect for a big house, at least 5 different people swanning in and out of the kitchen picking off biscuits from the tray, but not so much for just a dad and his daughter. So they end up with far too many when they’re finished. It takes four trays and two rounds in the oven before they’re left with a stack of slightly oddly-shaped gingerbread men. 

The flat smells like Christmas, and Ben loves it. It fills him up with warmth like how holding Lexi close does, encourages him to pick her up and carry her through to the living room whilst they wait for them all to cool down. She sits, easily pleased, on the sofa, some kids show that Ben doesn’t know capturing her attention, a sandwich in her hands because Ben really can’t be bothered to cook.

He clears up quickly enough. The mess isn’t quite as bad as it sometimes is. At least there’s no cake batter on his walls this time. He pulls out a tupperware that they can fill with gingerbread for Lexi to take back to Lola, but there’s still a lot left over, a lot that Ben knows he definitely won’t eat. 

He soon comes up with a plan, brainstorming whilst he watches Lexi grip those tiny plastic icing tubes with both hands. 

\----

He doesn’t know Callum that well. He doesn’t know anyone in his building that well, despite living there for a little under a year, but he and Callum cross paths rather regularly. He’s always smiling, and he and Lexi get on like a house on fire. She always talks to him about school or whichever toy she’s carrying with her today whenever they run into each other, and Callum always listens. It gives Ben hope that Lexi will grow up in a world where she’s adored by everyone, because she deserves all that and so much more.

Callum’s only been living in the apartment above his for a couple of weeks, and it’s almost identical to Ben’s judging by what he’d seen when he’d caught Callum lugging boxes up the stairs and had offered to help. Small, comfy in a way just bordering on claustrophobic, and relatively cheap considering the area. It had been just right for Ben, cramped enough that he could fill it with enough knick-knacks and kids toys and furniture that there would never be enough space for him to be left alone with his thoughts. It’s almost worked so far. He wonders if Callum’s reaching for the same goal.

Lola’s always telling him he needs to make friends, and even though he wouldn’t describe Callum as his friend _yet_ , he thinks they could certainly be on the path to it. A peace offering of messily-decorated gingerbread will probably help his cause if he gets Lexi to hand them over with her big eyes and infectious smile. 

So they make a trip of it. As the last thing before bed, Ben tells her to put her shoes on whilst he chooses the best-looking gingerbread men to pack up in a small container that he doesn’t particularly mind losing if Callum just forgets to give it back to him. He would never admit it but he’s packed up pretty much all the ones that he’d decorated, because he doesn’t know how much Callum likes his Sainsbury’s writing icing, but Lexi has certainly gone a little bit overboard with the majority of hers. Ben lets her, because he’ll never stop her being creative. 

He gives her the tub, and she holds it close to her chest. Ben grins. He looks up at the radio on the counter to see that it’s just gone past seven. He really hopes Callum’s home, or Ben will have to reassure her that they can go and visit again tomorrow before Ben drops her off back with Lola. 

Ben tells Lexi to knock when they’re stood outside the door, and Ben has to smile at how Callum has draped fairy lights around the doorframe even though he hasn’t been there very long. Ben wonders how the inside is decorated if he’s even gone to the effort to decorate the front of his house, as well as turn the lights on. They twinkle in Lexi’s wide eyes, and Ben reaches over to stroke her head whilst she knocks firmly on the wood, still clutching the gingerbread. 

The door opens after a couple of moments, and Ben notices how tired Callum looks. It’s unusual, because normally Callum is all smiles, but Ben has his fair share of secrets, he can’t expect others not too as well.

“Hi!” Lexi cheers, and Callum’s mood instantly switches. He has this ridiculously irresistible smile, Ben’s noticed, one that makes him grin even when he’s exhausted and his mind is running wild in the worst way and he just wants to sleep for a day and forget the world, but Callum’s passing him in the hallway, catching him gently by the arm and asking if he’s alright. And Ben is, or he can trick himself into thinking he is when Callum’s smiling like that.

“Hiya Lex.” He looks up at Ben. “Hi,” he breathes. 

“Hi, yourself,” Ben replies. He doesn’t know why it’s so easy to talk to Callum, but it is. He’s just got one of those faces. “You wanna tell Callum what we made?”

Lexi nods, holding out the tupperware in front of her with stretched out arms. She looks a little apprehensive, like she’s worried that Callum won’t want them. Ben doesn’t know a lot about Callum, but he knows that he’d never disappoint Lexi, not if their previous interactions are anything to go off of. 

“We made gingerbread men, but we made too many, so we thought we’d give you some.”

Ben doesn’t know how to describe the emotion that passes over Callum’s face. It's a pleasant shock, his mouth falling open just a little. Ben reckons Callum doesn’t often get gifted gingerbread by his neighbours, and he hates that he feels satisfied to the bone knowing that this is technically, an act of kindness. If only his dad could see him now. Callum fumbles with his hands a bit before taking the container from Lexi carefully. 

“Oh wow, Lex. That’s so thoughtful. Thank you.”

“What do you say, princess?” Ben asks, hand returning to her hair. She’s grinning again now that she knows Callum is happy. 

“You’re welcome.”

\----

Ben wonders what Callum’s doing for Christmas. He doesn’t know if Callum has any friends or relatives he’s planning on spending the day with, and he’s not quite sure how to ask. He hasn’t seen or heard anyone in Callum’s apartment, and he’d been alone when moving in. Ben wonders if Callum actually has any friends.

He doesn’t know if it’s weird to invite him round to Kathy’s for Christmas or not. It’s the season for caring, and Kathy would probably be chuffed to have him there. He seems like the kind of person that Kathy would get along with. Polite as all hell, caring and helpful, and Ben seriously considers bringing it up, trying to will himself to walk up the one set of stairs and knock on the door.

But he doesn’t. He’s a coward and he knows it.

\----

The thought doesn’t leave him alone. 

He rocks up at Kathy’s on the morning of December 25th just as Lexi is running down the stairs. He bundles her up in his arms and kisses her on the side of her head. It’s the one day of the year where he doesn’t think about anything else.

People come and go, presents get exchanged, and it’s nice to see everyone in one place. Kathy and Ian work all morning to fill the dining table with food, and the busy noise is something Ben has realised he misses. His dad is grumbling to Kathy about something as she sets the table, and Lexi is talking to Lola animatedly as she waves around the doll that Ben had spent hours looking for online. It had been worth it, because as long as she’s happy, he is too. 

In the time that he’s not distracted by something else, he lets himself wonder what it would have been like with Callum there. He’d probably be helping out, even with Kathy adamant that he’s a _guest_ . Ben can picture him at the table, sitting in the armchair, and a feeling that he hasn’t felt in a while hits him like a tidal wave. _He doesn’t fancy Callum_ . He can’t, because Ben doesn’t _do_ relationships. Callum is just a neighbour, albeit a friendly one, and Ben dedicates the rest of his day to trying not to think about him.

Except it doesn’t work. It never does, and by the time everyone is tuckered out, and Lexi is barely awake, he’s worrying. Worrying because Callum’s probably _alone_ on _Christmas day_. And Ben had just left the flat that morning without even stopping by to wish him a happy holidays. What a great neighbour he is. 

He puts Lexi to bed and adamantly tells Kathy that he doesn’t have to stay over. She’s persistent, reminding him that his room is still there, even if they’ve converted it to a guest bedroom now. It’s still his. But, Ben has people to see, people to check on. One person, and it’s driving him crazy how much he needs to see Callum's smile right now. So, Kathy sorts him out a bag of leftovers from the roast dinner as if she’s worried Ben can’t _feed himself_ and then wraps a scarf around his neck that Ben recognises as one of Ian’s. She must see him roll his eyes because she tells him that he’ll catch his death without it. She’s probably right.

\----

“Are you alone?”

“Yeah,” Callum sighs, raising his eyebrows in what seems like defeat. He’s dressed in a casual shirt and jeans, so Ben suspects he hasn’t been alone all day, even if he is now. 

“Have you been alone all day?” He clarifies, if only because he’s desperate to know if he should have made an effort to ask Callum round to spend Christmas day with him and his dysfunctional family.

“No- I, uh,” Callum starts, leaning against the doorframe and looking down at his fumbling hands. He looks embarrassed, and that's the last thing Ben wants. He feels like such an asshole so suddenly, wondering why he even came up, why he carried on walking when he could have just spent the night alone on the sofa like he was originally planning to. Callum must think he’s horrible for only adding insult to the injury of spending the majority of the one day you’re meant to spend with family alone. “I spent the morning with my brother.”

Oh. Well, that’s better than nothing, Ben reasons. But it’s still Christmas; it’s only just gone ten. Ben knows Callum can do better than just the morning with his brother. There’s that blissful giddy feeling in the air, the come-down after a morning of excitement and bumbling, and it’s really just like any other day, except it’s so different. Ben doesn’t want to bask in this quiet relief alone, not when company is just up the stairs. 

“Would you want to maybe- come back to mine? We could drink, watch a Christmas movie if you like?” 

It’s worth a shot, because as much as he’d deny it, if someone had offered him company on a miserable Christmas evening back when he’d been and felt so desperately lonely, he’d be endlessly grateful. “Or we can dance to Mariah Carey if that's more your thing.”

Callum looks up then, bashful, cheeks stained a peachy pink. Ben sees him swallow. He straightens up a bit, and Ben can't help but tense up as he awaits a response. 

“Not sure the elderly couple below you would appreciate that.” 

“I’m sure they’ve heard worse than a bit of Mariah.”

Callum lets out a breathy laugh, and Ben surprises himself with the stab of affection that hits him right between his ribcage. It makes him smile too, and he stands awkwardly, watching Callum fumble to slide his shoes on, before grabbing his keys from somewhere Ben can’t see, and stepping out into the hallway.

This is it. Ben tries to remember if there are any messes he hasn't cleaned up, or piles of Lexi’s books or toys that she hasn't tidied up that he needs to hurry to hide when they walk through the door. His spontaneous decisions will one day be the death of him, but it’s Christmas. He’s allowed to make reckless decisions on Christmas, at least that's what he keeps telling himself. 

The flat is fine, and Ben has to let out the tiniest pleased huff when he drags his eyes over the place and it looks nice. It looks lived in. 

Something in him pushes him towards the tree, where he flicks on the fairy lights, and instantly turns back to watch Callum’s reaction.

His face lights up, literally and metaphorically. Ben thinks he can see every little LED bulb reflected in his eyes, and he’s just standing there, hands at his sides, taking it all in. It’s like watching Lexi light up a tree for the first time all over again, and it doesn't matter that Ben’s been out all day, and the heating isn't on, and that he thinks he might have left his bedroom window open a crack because it's almost as cold outside as it is inside, because he suddenly feels so warm, bone-deep liquid comfort spreading from his chest out to the tips of his frozen fingers and toes. He doesn't know if Callum has a Christmas tree, doubts it because it's probably not on his top list of things to buy for his new flat, but he looks like he’s never even seen one before.

“That’s a cool tree,” he chokes out. “I love Christmas, but we never really celebrated it growing up. Sorry- God, that’s so lame-”

“No,” Ben stops him suddenly. He feels like a fool stood in his coat and his brother’s scarf in the middle of his living room talking about his childhood with someone he’s only known for a couple of weeks- but Callum makes it so _easy_. “I get it. It was weird for me too.” 

Callum lets out a heavy sigh, and Ben feels it deep in his gut. He starts to panic, like he always does when he makes these plans on a whim and it suddenly all goes wrong. He keeps calm, takes a steady breath and retreats to the kitchen, leaving Callum standing in the hallway whilst he gathers his thoughts.

“Beer?” He calls out, and dumps the bag on the side and buries his head in the fridge as a means to hide from the world for a moment. But he’s never had the best luck, and Callum follows him into the kitchen. Ben doesn’t wait for an answer, pulling two bottles out that only make his fingers more numb. 

He sets them on the side, and registers finally how strange it is to have company. Proper company, not just his landlord dropping in at always the most inconvenient time. This is a new friendship, which Ben hasn’t had in a while- hasn’t experienced in a really long time. This is letting his guard down, and Ben would have alarms going off in his head if Callum’s presence didn't make him feel so comfortable. 

He lets Callum have free rein over the bottle opener whilst he roots through the Tesco plastic bag filled with tubs of food Ben can't be bothered to identify, and what looks like a thermos of hot chocolate, which Ben hadn’t noticed Kathy had put in. He shoves it all in the fridge whilst Callum sips at his bottle in silence, leant against the counter watching him. 

“Any idea what this is?” Ben asks, reaching into the bottom of the bag and dropping a sprig of some kind of plant on the counter. He scrunches up the plastic bag, now empty, and shoves it into the cupboard below the sink. He turns to see Callum studying it intently.

“It’s mistletoe, I think.”

There’s silence.

“Well, you’re gonna have to hold it because you’re taller than me.”

Callum lets out a loud laugh and Ben can't help but laugh with him. He’s made some stupid jokes in his time, ones that have gotten him in trouble because he’s so terrible at thinking before he speaks. But this time, he's broken the tension successfully, and leans over to turn on the small radio when Callum speaks, breathy from laughter.

“Alright, go on then.”

Ben looks at him again, slowly registering the response, to see Callum holding the mistletoe above his head with a lanky arm and a beaming grin. His shoulders have hunched in a bit slightly, and Ben can feel the nerves radiating off of him. He’s more confident than Ben could have ever been, because he’d thought about it for a split moment, pictured a kiss when he’d let out the joke, but then laughed along with Callum and tried to forget the fantasy concept of a kiss under mistletoe.

But a kiss is a kiss. A kiss Ben can do, and it’s Christmas, so it likely won't go anywhere, and they can spend the evening getting pleasantly tipsy and making other mistakes like turning up the Christmas music so loud that the old bat below them starts banging her ceiling with the top end of her broom. 

So Ben steps closer and tries to forget everything else by placing his hand on the side of Callum’s neck. 

“Hurry up, my arm’s getting tired.”

Ben scoffs with a smile and leans up to press their mouths together. 

It’s a kiss, and Ben had known exactly what it would feel like physically, but the explosion in his chest of something strange, something he can't describe was definitely unexpected. It feels like the knot in his stomach has finally come undone, and he melts into it, pulling Callum’s face down. When he parts his lips, he feels both of Callum’s hands come to rest on the sides of his face, and he’s still holding that fucking mistletoe.

Ben pulls away quickly and grasps it from Callum’s hand as they fall. His face is red, a bright blush spreading across his face from ear to ear. 

“Put that down,” Ben sighs gently, dumping the sprig on the countertop, “and kiss me properly.”

And who is Callum to deny them both that?

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: @biggayhighway
> 
> comments + kudos are much appreciated 💞


End file.
